Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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