I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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