coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
