96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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