yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
