You just made me feel so damn special
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
