i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
it's like iHOP with fire
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
