i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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