There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
