he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Randomize
