he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
