when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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