U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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