I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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