i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
