My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
another moral hangover. fuck.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
