So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
