Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
