Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
