I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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