I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
