I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
