My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
