your thong is hanging out like whoa
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
