evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
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I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
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I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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