I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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