That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
In America we eat man semen.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
