Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
