3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
