5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
you would pick up someone in the library
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
