things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Randomize
