We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
