dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
im holly from the hills drunk
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize