my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
