my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
