Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
