17 year olds will be the death of me.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
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and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
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There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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