Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
