garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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