WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
