i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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