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i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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