You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I need to sanitize my soul.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
