when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
