Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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