I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
