I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
