we have pet lesbian snakes
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
