I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
