you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
