Say something about gay babies.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
