I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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