Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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