mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
tonight lets celebrate not being married
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
