Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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