remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
My ATM looks so different sober.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
you had me at cake vodka
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
