I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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