i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
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