There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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