I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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