I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He's on the porch naked. Help.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
