I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
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It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
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Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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