i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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