whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
