If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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