Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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