hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
