She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
