Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
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I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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