so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
